‎"A person can make a decision in three ways: positively, negatively, or a decision not to make a decision. In all cases, a person is responsible for, and reaps the benefits or problems associated with that decision." ~Thomas D. Willhite~

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 194:

I saved today, BlogLand. It was supposed to be a CrossFit morning. At 6am, my body decided that was a big "No." I am insanely irritated about the way my body and my brain are fighting on this morning thing. Nonetheless, I'm fighting it, and seeing proactive solutions (I'm really thinking one of those lighted, Sunrise Alarm Clock type things may help). I'm trying to go to bed earlier, and de-stress myself, etc.... all the things that I know I should do, when my body starts into this stupid sleep-crashing cycle (Yeah, I've gone through this before. I know the signs, I know the cycle... what I don't know, is how to NOT let it interfere with my lifestyle at the time. This sunk a semester at college for me, for instance. ). However, at this stage in my life, I refuse to let it win. One day at a time.

So, I admit, I was not out of bed this morning. I slept. And then I felt really guilty, as I wanted to get up and hit up CrossFit, I know I needed to... and yet... I didn't. Argh. However, one must not focus on what one didn't do, but get one's own ass in gear and make the best of the situation. I went to work, and planned my attack for when I got home.

Getting home found me moving some furniture into my place (my roommate has just moved, and I'm having to re-acquire some stuff), and the minutes ticking away (which happens, when you don't get home until 7:30pm). Finally, I was finished. Time check, almost 9pm. It was SO TEMPTING to not get sweaty today. Normal people everywhere were winding down... getting ready for sleeping... I heard Old Me telling me how nice it would be just to chill... and hey, since I'd missed the morning WOD anyway....

HOWEVER. I then paused, surfed around FaceBook for a couple minutes, and saw all the efforts of my Spartan friends, that day. Crazy WODs... Sandbag carries, long runs... all sorts of things. I better do SOMEthing. In like 97 days, I'll be running my first Spartan (*gulp), I need to step it up.

Without a real plan, I threw on some workout gear and just sort of did a couple circuits through the following. It's no impressive WOD by any means, but I did *something*, stayed moving, and got sweaty.
- T-handle Tabata Swings (30#): 8 rounds
- Pull Ups (with stool): 50
- Burpees: 50
- Lunges: 50
- Push-ups: 50
- 10 sec Hangs (for grip!): 5

Like I said, nothing impressive, but SOMEthing. Particularly since many of these movements (Pull ups. Pushups, Burpees...) are my most uncomfortable, non-graceful, frustrating, Achilles Heel movements. Sets of 10. I can feel that my shoulders are going to be angry tomorrow.... thankfully, it's a Run Day!

I am admittedly frustrated with my arms. I just don't see the kind of measurable success there that I have seen with my running, etc. I guess they really had farther to go. Plus, I'm still moving around a significant amount of extra weight. I know that. I'm sure that doesn't make turning my T-Rex arms into beastly power houses any easier. I imagine if I was a mere 145# and trying to work up to doing a pull up, my life would be a little easier!

However, one thing at a time. I've been doing okay with the eating.  Insanely better than I was a year ago, but not quite as clean as I was a few months ago. Getting back to that... My emotions play a lot into my eating, and the more aware of that I am, the easier staying on track can be, for me. So, I've embraced the fact that I was stressed, frustrated, upset, and acknowledged that.... not ATE that.

So, here I am. I looked at my training log for the last 4 weeks. I'm disappointed with myself. I've let a lot of "Life" (ie, bad excuses) get in the way. I know I've come a long way from the Old Me of 194 days ago... but, I still have a long way to go, and I'm frustrated I'm not further along that trail.

I think my expectations for myself can sometimes be beyond the Realistic.... but, isn't that how we find Greatness? Push ourselves beyond where we thought we could go?

Lastly, I'd like to share with you something I'm currently in love with, that I've decided I need to have. Hi-Tech gear, made from recycled *coffee beans*. SOLD!